A fan of the Yankees, Red Sox, and large sample sizes.

 
MEAN PARENTS SUCK

If I ever have kids, my number one goal is to not give them a name that will scar them for life. Parents who leave their kids with names like Dusk, Bubba, or Fiontonicia are just inconsiderate. But even worse are the parents that pair up a first name with their last name to create something horrible - Richard Small, I.P. Freely, and Amanda Hugankiss are schoolyard favorites. Do you really think your kids can ever love you if they know you picked their crappy-ass name?

And then there's Randy Johnson. In case you're unaware, "randy" is a synonym for "horny" in Great Britain, and a johnson is... well, you know what a johnson is. My friends and I get a great chuckle out of The Big Unit's (snicker) name and nickname more frequently than we really should.

It gets even better when his name is used in headlines. There are just some verbs that are completely inappropriate. I often wonder if the headline writers are trying to see how many people get it. Take the ESPN.com Scoreboard page, for example - Perfect game: Big Unit blows away Braves. I mean, really. Is that necessary?

If only Albert Pujols had a "better" first name, Randy Johnson would have some competition.

Posted by Sky at 10:04 PM | 0 comments